Aphasia Stroke. Perfect vs. Imperfect.

Perfect vs. Imperfect: What Japan Taught Me About Being Human

A story about culture, expectations, and learning to feel whole again

The Search for ‘Perfection’

In the United States, we grow up surrounded by a kind of quiet pressure: be efficient, be productive, be strong, be clear, be on time, be better. For many of us—especially after a stroke, a traumatic event, or any major life change—this expectation to be “perfect” becomes heavy.

It can feel like every mistake shows. Every pause in a sentence matters. Every slow step counts.
And when aphasia becomes part of life, that pressure feels even sharper.

But another culture helped me understand something different.

Discovering the Beauty of Imperfection in Japan

Japan has its own pressures, of course. Every society does. But it also has something unique: a deep, almost spiritual acceptance of imperfection.

Walk through Japan and you see it everywhere.

Wabi-sabi: The Beauty of the Imperfect

A chipped teacup still used and still valued.
A crooked wooden beam in a 300-year-old building.
A garden where moss grows where it chooses.

Wabi-sabi teaches that things—and people—are more beautiful because they are imperfect, not in spite of it. What matters is authenticity, presence, and growth.

Kintsugi: When Broken Becomes Stronger

In Japan, when a ceramic bowl breaks, they don’t throw it away.
They repair it with lacquer mixed with gold.
The cracks become part of the story.
The object becomes more valuable than before.

It’s impossible not to feel something when you hold a kintsugi piece:
a quiet reminder that broken does not mean ruined.
Broken can mean transformed.

Living Between Two Worlds

When I compare the two cultures, I notice something striking:

• In the U.S., “perfect” often means flawless. Fast. Efficient. Smooth.

• In Japan, “perfect” can mean complete, whole, and true to itself—even if uneven or cracked.

After my stroke and with aphasia, I realized that the American idea of perfection can feel punishing. Speech must be quick. Thoughts must be organized. You must answer instantly. You must “get over it” and “get back to normal.”

But what if the goal isn’t “normal”?
What if the goal is whole?

Learning to Embrace My Own Cracks

Japan helped me rethink how I see myself.

I walk with poles. I speak more slowly. I find words in new ways.
Some days my brain feels like a narrow hallway; other days it opens wide again.

But instead of hiding the cracks, I’ve started to treat them like kintsugi lines—gold-filled reminders that I am still here, still moving, still becoming myself.

I am imperfect.
And that makes me… perfect in a new way.

A Closing Thought: You Don’t Need to Be Fixed to Be Whole

Maybe the lesson is simple:

• The United States taught me to strive.

• Japan taught me to accept.

• Aphasia taught me to keep going.

And somewhere between these cultures, I found a new kind of perfection—one that includes all my cracks, all my repairs, all my courage.

Wabi-sabi isn’t just an idea.
It’s a way of living with grace.

Note:  I admit I drafted this article. AI and Chat GBD made it much much better.